Finally, a moment to sit down and catch up! This week has been crazy, both mentally and emotionally, physically I haven't done a thing :-(
I'm officially done with summer semester. Which is good and bad. It's good because (hopefully) I'll never have to deal with physics ever again or give speeches in that capacity. It's bad because Justin will no longer be a fellow UGA classmate. He graduates tomorrow. I'm so incredibly proud of him, but I'll miss him so much. It's also bad because it means that most of my summer has been spent in the classroom and I don't have alot of time left to play because fall semester starts in two weeks.... ahhh!
So to the point of this post: my great-grandmother, a true gem. If you know me, you know that one of my favorite people in the world is my 103 year old great grandmother. She's precious and funny and strong and wise and I could go on and on. Unfortunately her health is declining.
A little background for those of you who don't know: Ma Bailey, my great-grandmother, has lived with my grandmother for over 70 years. Her husband was killed in a car accident when she was 40 and she was left to raise her 7 kids alone. When my grandparents got married, my grandfather was sent overseas so my grandmother lived with Ma. When Papa got back, they built a house and Ma moved in with them to avoid having to live alone. She practically raised my mom and her sisters, she literally is their second mother. In the last few months, she's fallen several times and it's just become too hard for my grandmother to manage her alone.
On Monday we made the decision to move her to the hospice house in Anderson. She was already with their services, they came daily to bathe her, and we felt this was better than the nursing home (nothing against it, but there is a lower nurse to patient ratio at the Hospice House and we are already familiar with the RNs and Dr). Many people don't know that Hospice is an available alternative to the nursing home. The actually have a resident private pay hall where people can stay long term, just as in a nursing home. So, we didn't move her there because we thought she was dieing or anything like that, just to clarify. She was moved to receive the best care possible due to her age and declining ability to be mobile.
I couldn't bear to post about it on Monday. It breaks my heart to think she'll most likely never go home again. She's at the same place my grandfather went to die just four short months ago. The wounds still seem so fresh and raw. It feels like I'm losing my dearest, one by one. As you may or may not know, my grandfather was one of my most cherished friends in this world. A private gentle man with a heart of gold. Giving him up seems hard enough and I am still struggling with it.
Ma isn't really eating much and hasn't been urinating normally, although today has been a bit better in that department. She refuses to take her pills because it bothers her jaw to swallow (she has ticdelarou). I'm trying not to question things, but I don't know how my grandmother can bear to lose a husband and mother so closely together, how any of us can bear it.
I'm not saying that she's dieing, because only God knows that. But she's becoming less herself and it will be so hard to let her go. She's ready though. She says she's ready to go home, that her body is as worn out as an old shoe, cute little thing. And it's so comforting to know where she's going. She's been ready for almost twenty years now.
Sorry if this jumped around a lot. It makes me emotional just thinking about losing her. Just pray for my sweet Ma and my family. Pray that she doesn't have to suffer. Pray that when it is her time that she dies happy, knowing how loved she is and what an impact she's made on those who love her so dearly. She's changed my life for the better and taught me more than she'll ever know, through both her words and the way she's lived her life.
My precious gem.
~BK
